It starts off like any love story. Girl meets boy, they fall in love, boy has anger issues and wrecks all girls shit, they cheat on each other and some ones teeth get knocked out!
That’s how it goes right?
Oh…. that’s just my relationships. The particular disaster I am sharing with everyone today happened a year after girl meets boy.
Punchy and I had an intense on and off relationship. We were in love one second, then we wanted to kill each other the next. I could have been with Punchy longer if he didn’t have such major anger issues. Punchy is a big boy, 6’3 /210 pounds. I mean I’m not a small girl but there’s no way I’m stopping this guy. Being a trained fighter as well, when Punchy got angry shit would get destroyed. Mostly MY shit!
It was a Wednesday at Big Wangs in North Hollywood. I know this because at the time that was $.25 wing night and oh how I loves me some hot waaangs! My friend Scott invited me to hang out with him and his friends so I headed straight there after work.
When I got there Scott had a table with his friends. The nerdiest bunch of trekkie dorks I’ve ever had the pleasure to meet. Super nice guys, but nerds nonetheless. Part Tyme and Chef came by and said hi for a second then left. Bastards.
I looked at my phone and I had a few text messages. One was from my Mom saying that she’d been texting back and forth with Punchy. She said he missed me and wanted to see me. The next was from Punchy saying the same thing.
Two shots of Patron later (these geeks were trying to get me wasted!!) I notice a group of people walk in that look familiar. It was Punchys best friends and their girlfriends. I go over and say hi and they ask me where Punchy is. Feeling very good at this point I go ahead and text Punchy, “Hey come to Big Wangs, all your friends are here!”
He replies: “Who are you there with?”
Me: “a group of friends”
Me: “Some of them”.
Now I’m beginning to regret this invite.
Me: “Hey if you come out don’t expect me to just leave my friends because you’re here.”
Minutes later Punchy arrives. He heads to the patio and sits with his friends. I come over piss drunk and give him a kiss.
(This is where things start getting fuzzy.)
“Where you sitting at?” He asks.
I point to Scotts table inside which is in clear sight from the doorway of the patio.
“Over there with Scott, Ima go back in and hang with the friends, I’ll be back.”
Completely obliterated at this point I sit back down at Scotts table to find yet another shot waiting for me. I give the shot glass a dirty look.
“Don’t be a pussy!!” Scott yells.
So of course…. I HAD to take the shot. I ain’t no punk bitch!
I somehow got to the ladies room. Sitting on the toilet I squint down at my phone long enough to see I had a few texts then suddenly, CrAsH!! I dropped my Blackberry on the bathroom floor!! “Dammit!” I yelled. I picked up my phone to find that the track ball popped out.
Saying every curse word under the sun, I looked all over to find the stupid track ball. Finally I gave up and went outside to tell Punchy what happened.
“Man! I dropped my phone and it’s broken! See?” I hand him the phone. He pushes a button and the phone lights up. He can see the unopened text messages and one of them is from Scott. The beginning on the text reads, “He’s gay….”. The phone won’t display the whole message unless you can push the track ball so that’s all he saw. Well that was enough for him!
Without one word Punchy handed me my phone and walked away. I saw him walked towards Scott’s table, tap him on the shoulder and point outside.
As soon as I saw them both head outside I hopped over the patio wall but before I knew it PUNCH!
Puchy hit Scott square in the teeth. Punchy ran away while I was left there with a bleeding Scott laid out on the floor. Everyone at Big Wangs in North Holly was staring at me with their mouths wide open and wings in hand.
“OMG Scott are you ok?? I’m so sorry!!!!” I say attempting to help him up.
He comes to his feet bleeding a lot from his mouth. “Go get my friends.” He told me as he spits not two, not even three but FOUR teeth out of his mouth!
So I did.
So there I was all alone, drunk as ever.
“What the fuck just happened??!!”, I yelled
Small voice in the background says, “Yo fren got socked!”
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