So usually our group would go out during the week and drink a ton! We did this by playing the game 7-11-Dubs (will explain the rules at another time). Just know that this particular game involves a group people (in our case 10 or so), dice, and chugging a crap ton of beer (10-20 a person).

However there was one such night when we had half of the normal amount of people. I remember it (partially) like it was yesterday. For whatever reason, our loyal group had been whittled down to five guys. That night our group consisted of Chef, Poker, Steak (Chef’s housemate), and Big Cat. Big Cat was somewhat the catalyst for the night because he is an old frat brother of Steak and I (and a crazy drinker). On top of that all five guys in the group are raging drinkers, so the night was already doomed.

We get to the bar, whip out the dice, order a heft round of beers, and get to it. This is where the night gets hazy. I remember hot bartenders dancing….I remember making a towering wall of empty beer cups…..I remember Big Cat knocking over a full cup of beer in an attempt to knock down said wall of cups. Long story short, by the end of the night we had consumed about 16 beers…each.

Anyway, we decide to call it a night because it was getting late and I had work the next day. We close our tabs and Chef goes to the bathroom. Chef returns and we promptly walk outside.

Outside we hear, “Hey, Hey! You Can’t Do That! You Can’t Do That!” We all turn around to some girl pointing her finger at our group. “You can’t do that! You can’t just touch me on my side and walk away!”

It’s then we notice that she is not pointing at our group, but at Chef. Singling out the now stunned member of our crew, she accuses him of:

Girl: You touched me on my side! You can’t just touch me on my side and walk AWAY!

Chef: Huh?

Crazy Girl: That’s right! You touched me on the side and walked off!

Big Cat: Hahah what? No he didn’t. Get out of here!

Crazy Girl: Don’t tell me to go away! He touched me on my side!

Chef: HUH?!

Steak: What are you talking about?

P-Tyme: How do you know it was him? Did you see him do it?

Crazy Girl: YEAH

P-Tyme: Are you sure?

Crazy Girl: I dunno, maybe it was YOU!

Now here is the major flaw in her argument. I’m a black guy wearing black at the time, and Chef is a white guy wearing white.

P-Tyme: Huh?

Chef: HUH?!

Steak: …………Chef is GAY!!!

We all turn abruptly and look at Steak…then shrug and go with it.

Steak: That’s right…He’s gay!

P-Tyme: Y-Yeah…

Poker: We tried to tell you…

Big Cat: HAhahHaha

Crazy Girl: WHATEVER!

The girl storms off leaving a short, drunk cholo standing in front of us.

Cholo: Hey man, look it’s all good man. It cool man, it’s cool.

We loom over the small guy.

Big Cat: Get out of here man….

The cholo walks away.

Chef: What the hell man!

P-Tyme: That….was…something….

Chef: What the hell!

Poker: Well I’m going to get water to help me sober up…

Steak: Yeah me too…

The two of them walk back into the bar and suddenly cops descend and start detaining people. No point in trying to leave now. Chef, Big Cat, and I watch as the cops do their thing. We try to look as sober as possible. Steak walks out and he sees the situation. Then Poker walks out.

I look at Poker and give him the “ixnay” signal not to say anything drunk in front of the cops. Poker looks at me,  then looks past our group, and unblinking proceeds to walk past silently. Puzzled we watch him walk down the street until we literally can’t see him anymore. We didn’t hear from him the rest of the night

Eventually the cops found whoever they were looking for an hour later and left.

P-Tyme: Fuck! I got work in the morning! Damnit, we could’ve been outta here by now! That stupid girl messed me over!

Chef: What the hell was that about?!

Steak: Crazy bitches man…

Big Cat:……Guys….where’s Poker?