Again my designated driver failed me!

Over the Christmas Holiday I went home to visit family and chill with my boys in D-Town. Now let it be known, I’m a Dallas boy through and through, so I love going home. My first night back, I drop by Chugar’s house (The same friend whose dad I yelled at years ago on my birthday). Our plan is to hit a burger joint, then meet up with the rest of the crew at Idle Rich Pub, one of our favorite bars in Uptown Dallas.

The group consists of my boys Chugar, Rumble, Bram, some new friends, and our lady friend Krazy. We  chill at Idle Rich and I introduce my buds to the killer drink, Greek Sex. It’s killer because it consists of 5-6 different types of hard alcohol and you can’t taste a thing.  (It was created by Ares and completely different from Greek Sex on the Beach, which includes orange juice)My buds love it. Now here’s the thing, Greek Sex creeps up on you, especially if you aren’t used to it. I drink the stuff every chance I get, so I’m fine with it.

We decide to go across the street to Black Friar, which is another Irish pub owned by the same person that owns Idle Rich. Black Friar  is full of people that we knew from high school. Long story short, more Greek Sex is ordered and people got more wasted.

Now this is all well and good, except once again, I am not the DD, Chugar is. After a few beers and a few rounds of Greek Sex, it is safe to say, I am drunk and he is WASTED. Eventually last call rolls around and it starts raining.

For those of you who have never lived outside of LA, true rain is no joke. I take Chugar’s keys and leave to get his car.  By the time I get to it, I am completely soaked to my boxers. I turn the car’s heater on full blast and realize Chugar is no where to be found. I drive around and everyone is GONE. I start calling people to find him. Luckily Krazy informs me that he went back to a friend’s house. As she tells me this she drunkenly drops her phone. Luckily she gave me the guy’s number at the beginning of the conversation.

Now here is my dilemmma:

  • I’m drunk.
  • I’m driving Chugar’s car.
  • I’m vaguely aware of my surroundings.
  • I have no idea where Chugar is, but I have our friend’s number.
  • It’s raining so hard that the windshield wipers are USELESS.
  • I’m soaked to the point that the water in my ass is creating its own stew.
  • My mom is calling asking where I am…

Yes my mother is calling me. Why? Well my car is in LA and our other car is in the shop, so she offered to give me a lift.  She is a saint, that’s WHY! And you don’t lie to a saint!

So I pick up the phone.

Mom: Where are you?
P-Tyme: Um, well I’m in Chugar’s car looking for Chugar because we were drinking and he got really drunk and I don’t know where he is and it’s raining and he went home with one of our friends and I have to get him so that we can get his car back to his house so that you can get me.
Mom:……..that boy shouldn’t drink, you know he has a drinking problem.
P-Tyme: I know I know it’s deplorable I’ll call you when we get back.

Anyway, I call up our friend and he proceeds to give me pretty decent directions to his place, even though Chugar keeps taking the phone and giving me wrong directions. I eventually get to the guy’s place safely. Luckily Dallas cops also have bedtimes. Chugar drunkenly hops in his own vehicle and I have him give me directions to his place. Of course since Chugar is is drunk he is also saying “stuff” and laughing maniacally.

By some act of God, we get back to his place, he stumbles to his front door and my mom is there waiting. I hop in her car and we drive off.

Mom: Did you have fun?
P-Tyme: Yes……..can we get Sonic?

Gotta love moms.