So Chef and I hit up one of our favorite spots. It was Thursday which meant there was a beer pong tournament. This is always good because all of the dudes go upstairs, leaving all of the ladies downstairs. Chef and I post up at the bar and see two girls directly across from us.

  • P-Tyme: Those girls are definitely giving us eyes
  • Chef: Where?
  • P-Tyme: Your 2 o’ clock

Chef catches the eyes of one of the girls.

  • Chef: Yep, pretty hardcore
  • P-Tyme: I say we go talk to them!
  • Chef: We should probably get drinks  first.
  • P-Tyme: Yeah you’re right

Chef and I order whiskey sours as we gauge the girls from across the bar. Once the whiskey sours were gone we ordered two more.  I should preface that I had only eaten soup before hittinh the bar. However nothing was stopping me and I was feeling sexy. I tell Chef that we need to go hit on the girls across the bar and we start to head over. As we do so, three girls start talking to us. One is incredibly tall. I’m not sure what she said…or what her other two friends said, but I agree and we part ways.

Chef and I walk over to the girls and realize there are a bunch of guys now flirting with them. Not one to add myself into the hormone crowd, Chef and I walk upstairs. We don’t see anything worth staying for, so we walk back downstairs. Eventually I make it over to one of the girls at the bar.

  • P-Tyme: You look incredibly bored (referring to the guys hovering around her friend)
  • Girl: I am…

The girl walks off, I shrug, and join Chef on the other side. This is where things get fuzzy. We decide to cut our losses, call it an early night and hit IHOP next door. (Read Chef’s side to find out what happened…)

I guess I had to a bit to drink because my memory of the walk to IHOP is fuzzy. I slightly remember Chef and I ordering our usual and I left to hit the bathroom because I felt funny.

This is where I completely come around and realize I am in a IHOP restroom. At this point I have been trying to make myself puke for 15 Minutes. At one point I literally had my fingers down my throat wondering how supermodels could pull of puking whenever they wanted, but I couldn’t do it in my most desperate moments. I then realize that my body is prone to alcoholism because it wouldn’t even puke up the booze that was threatening to make me puke!

I eventually get the devil’s nectar up my throat and by the time I clean up and leave, Chef is walking in.

  • Chef: Dude are you ok? You’ve been in here for like 15 minutes
  • P-Tyme: I’ve been trying to puke, but my body wouldn’t give up the booze!
  • Chef: Hahahahaha!
  • Chef uses the restroom and I go back to the table. Eventually our food arrives and we scarf it down hoping that the starches and protein soak up the booze. When we finish Chef and I are just sitting there.
  • P-Tyme:…Dude we should just leave
  • Chef: Huh? What, not pay?
  • P-Tyme: Yeah, just fucking walk out

As I said that they waiter comes up. We ask him for the check.

  • P-Tyme:….Dude…we should just not tip
  • Chef: Why?
  • P-Tyme: Why not?
  • Chef: Sure whatever!

So Chef and I paid, but like assholes, we did not tip (which karma came back around and bit me in the ass for later by having my car keyed…awesome…).

Chef and I leave. We get into the car and I realize I am too drunk to drive.

  • P-Tyme: Fuck, I am wasted…
  • Chef: You an me both!
  • P-Tyme: Fuck!
  • Chef: Alright, I’ll set my alarm and by the time it goes off, one of us should be good enough to drive
  • P-Tyme:..Alright

I realize that I have to roll down the windows of the car while we nap, but sticking the keys into the ignition in my state is an automatic DUI. I stick the keys in real quick, partially roll down the windows, take the keys out fast, and chuck them into the backseat. Chef and I pass out.

I eventually come back to consciousness and realize I feel much better. I decide to take my chances and navigate on side streets back to Chef’s house. As I’m driving, Chef’s alarm goes off and he wakes up.

  • Chef: P-P-Tyme!! We we’re moving!
  • P-Tyme: What?!
  • Chef: We’re moving!
  • P-Tyme: Yeah, I know…we’re going home….

Suffice it to say, I woke up the next day remembering only half of what I just wrote. I go to the kitchen and House asks me how the night went.

  • P-Tyme: Well I don’t remember getting home really.
  • House: Yeah I saw Chef and he asked if you made it home ok.
  • P-Tyme: Nice…
  • House: I asked him if you guys hit it hard last night and he was like, “Naw naw man”
  • P-Tyme: Haha that’s Chef.

Find out what REALLY happened that night.