How To Talk To Women

Part 1: The Science Behind It

Talkin To Da Ladies 01Dr. Latenight here,

Look fellas, I know that plenty of you are completely dumbfounded when it comes to talking to women. It happens, no biggie. If you’re reading this, then you’re tired of hearing the same basic info and thinking, “But what does that mean?” Well you’re in luck, I’m going to break this issue down into bite sized layman pieces so that even the most ignorant of chimps can land a date.

Many of you have probably noticed that while you may have a lot to offer (nice personality, solid job, great earning potential, STD free), you’re not necessarily a hit with the ladies. At the same time some douchebag without a car, job, bank account, and the ability to count to four without having a herpes breakout appears to have all of the girls eating out of his hands. Why?

It’s simply science. That’s right, science is the main reason you are not a hit with the ladies. First, let me state what everyone has already said before. Ladies LOVE confidence. They eat it up!

In fact women NEED to read confidence in the men they like. It’s the only way that they’ll know if it would be genetically advantageous for them to even bother with you. (Yes I know that was nerdy, but science is science. If you’re reading this, you probably own several copies of Halo don’t you?  Then shut up Nancy-boy and listen!)

So then, what is confidence? What is this word that is constantly thrown around? Confidence presents itself in a number of ways. No doubt you are aware of it simplest form, The Asshole.

The AssholeThis particular form of confidence, in my opinion, is ingeniously deceptive. The Asshole option can be a quick way to both exude confidence and attract attention (though not necessarily in a good way). You will notice that guys who employ this technique appear to draw a crowd. Then you are left wondering, “Why is he getting so lucky. What do those girls see in him?”

It’s simple, The Asshole appears to have an innate knack for survival. His confidence appears to be so impenetrable, that nothing can harm him. What a better choice then, than a man who can’t get hurt? He’s damn near Superman, or so he’d like you to believe…

In all actuality, if a guy is being an Asshole, that’s his way of stating, “You’re not smart enough to see through this trick and that’s where I want you. I am going to do the bare minimum and still win you over.” Obviously no guy will say these words outright, but that is the attitude he is exhibiting. As a result being an Asshole may seem enticing, but it can blow up in your face.

On the flip side I would be lying if I said that The Asshole option never worked. I’d also be lying if I said I didn’t use it myself from time to time. When handled appropriately, The Asshole can be quite handy. But why?

To some degree being an Asshole is just like saying, “I simply don’t care where this situation goes” and emulating a cavalier Devil May Care attitude. If you’ve ever watched James Bond, you’ll know what I mean. James is suave,  sophisticated, but MAN is he an ass. He tosses  women left and right carelessly and sometimes gets them KILLED. Yet women still love him (Yes I know he doesn’t really exist, that’s not the point). He just doesn’t care. He’s a man of mystery capable of juggling his love life and being a secret agent effortlessly. He has a sense of danger which appears to intrigue the opposite sex.

“Does that mean I should be an Asshole?”

NO, you idiot!  Go up to any woman, say something assholish, and prepare your face for slappage. Any woman smart enough to see past this facade will not be impressed. The Asshole card only works on/for high schoolers or people who have not emotionally matured past that point. Though you’d be surprised how many people haven’t mentally grown past 11th grade. Your goal is to branch away from all of the other Assholes in the room. Make yourself stand out! Be interesting! That’s the goal.

This brings me to my next point. Keep the ladies intrigued. Don’t be boring! I’m sure you’ve heard that women like  a little mystery. I’m sure you have also heard women say that they need to feel a spark. What is a spark? It’s that which makes you seem like there is more to you than meets the eye (yes, like a Transformer). It means that you have held her attention longer than the other guys trolling after her.

However remember, though you do NOT want to be The Asshole, you also don’t want to be on the other side of the spectrum, The Wuss.

The WussThe Wuss is probably the main reason you aren’t talking to any women in the first place. While The Asshole appears to confront any situation head on, The Wuss avoids everything. If you’re at a bar or a club, 9 times out of 10, it’s The Asshole who is approaching the ladies. Meanwhile The Wuss opts to not approach any women in order to avoid a social faux pas.

That’s not to say that only Assholes are approaching women nowadays, but the Wuss definitely doesn’t do it. What is The Wuss then? The Wuss is the overly sensitive chap who wishes to talk about his feeling ALL of the time. He expresses EVERYTHING. He is completely fine with doing whatever the lady wants to do, with little to no opinion of his own on any matter. In many ways he is a Yes Man, agreeing to whatever he thinks will result in a happy situation.

Sounds like a nice guy, what’s wrong with that?

Well for starters The Wuss is indecisive. He is a follower instead of a leader. Most women don’t want to make ALL of the decisions, which The Wuss will force them to do. The Wuss isn’t interesting either. There is nothing intriguing about his personality, no surprises. The Wuss is sure to turn any relationship into a passionless rut. He will never rock the boat, change things up, or be inexplicably adventurous. He’s boring.

The plus side is The Wuss is a nice guy and will never cause trouble. He will always be there with extreme loyalty. He is sweet to the point of being saccharine and most women will find it hard to explain why they aren’t interested him.  The reason however is that he does not light the spark that keeps women interested. If you haven’t figured it out by now spark = passion. Many women are driven by passion, they love it! The Wuss appears passionless and safe…like Tupperware.

Hence being nice and sweet probably won’t get you too far if that’s all you have to offer. You have probably heard, “You’re a nice guy, but…” BUUUUUURN! That’s not to say that there aren’t women out there seeking nice guys. In fact most will often wonder, “Why can’t I find a nice guy?”. It’s because The Asshole sticks out much more and beats everyone else time and time again.

Nice guys don’t always finish last.  In fact that special someone will one day appreciate you for who you are, gents. However it’s going to be much harder for you to find your soul mate if you can’t land a simple date. (Plus if you’re already thinking about trying to find your true love, SLOW DOWN SON! You’ve probably scared off 97% of the women around you already).

That is the basic distinction between The Asshole and The Wuss.

How many times have you heard, “He’s an asshole but (insert excuse)” from a woman’s lips? Now, when’s the last time you heard her say, “He’s a wuss but…”? It NEVER happens. Though the Wuss has a lot of positives, he is too sweet and too mundane. He blends in with the background scenery and will leave any woman content to maintaining their friendship.

It’s much harder to put The Asshole in the friend zone. He is argumentative, impatient, and self centered. He is either around or he is not, but there is NO middle ground. The Asshole’s ultimatum is, “Either we do this or a we don’t, but if we don’t, you’re out of luck.” That is the hook. Most women will favor making connections, keeping doors open, and not burning bridges. Therefore many will opt to “take a shot” on The Asshole, while leaving Mr. Nice Wuss to sob softly in the corner.

Mr. Bond NEVER sobs in the corner. He always gets his lady. He is a gentleman and a jerk mixed into one. He is ruthless and lovable at the same time. He is a man of raw power and that’s what you will need be as well.

What Have We Learned Then?

  • Don’t be an Asshole. Be confident and intriguing. Maybe with a tiny bit of danger (Not Too Much!).
  • Don’t be a Wuss either. Be nice, but be different than the herd. Don’t be boring!
  • Remember it’s mostly science. In nature the the female mates with the male with the best attributes or the most to offer. Humans are no different.

Alright fellas, that’s it for now. In Part 2, we’ll go over the simple traits and techniques that are available to every man. We will also discuss the many different ways of attracting women according to your own unique characteristics. Stay Tuned!

~Dr. Latenight
The Bar and Restaurant Society